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BUILD SELF-RESPECT

Have a great time!

Be sweet on the inside

never let go

refresh

1/6/2020

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I'm back to the Morning Miracle routine and feeling great about it!
You may or may not remember that I had tried this before, enjoyed it, then struggled and ended up dropping this powerful habit.
So what changed? 
I had the opportunity to listen to someone else talk about the book, the benefits of waking up early and also practical/personal insights on each step of the recommended routine.

Let's remember:
S - for Silence
A - for Affirmations
V - for Visualization
E - for Exercise
R - for Reading
S - for Scribbling

This routine is flexible - you can practice the 6 steps, focus on some of them, you can take 1 hour or only 6 minutes. Consistency is the key not the format you choose.

The new insights that are helping me right now and that bring me joy are... on SILENCE... to pray (OK, this one is not new!) and to look at the sky or to contemplate nature! The energy, peacefulness and JOY that comes from this slight twist on the same exact thing that I tried to practice in the past is really surprising!

So my proposition for you today would be... instead of quitting what you know are powerful habits for personal development just allow yourself to 'refresh them'! Make a slight change in order to appreciate the process more! If you are out of ideas... ask someone about it! Share your impasse, ask questions, be open minded! It's amazing how discussing one specific topic (that you think you know everything about!) can bring valuable new insights that can help you out on your journey and also relate to others who are also on this self development boulevard.


To See The Sky

Take a photo,
before and after
you see the sky,
from where
you are standing.

Enjoy the experience,
and share it
with us.

y.o.
spring 2017
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SO FAR YET SO CLOSE

28/4/2020

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I miss my family!! I'm sure you miss them too in this new 'stay at home' era...

How can you try to shorten the distance while staying safe?

Here are a few ideias:

Reinforcing family bonds! Share interests. Get to know your cousins better! ;)
​
(I take the opportunity to introduce you to my cousin Marta! I'm sure she will brighten up your quarantine with her positive outlook)
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1. Share your day. Any creative ideas? Meals? Home workout or awesome instagram dance party? 

2. Can't celebrate birthdays all together?? Bake a cake, put candles on your cake and take pictures, make a movie or go on FaceTime and sing happy birthday! This will brighten up the day of the birthday boy or girl for sure! And yours as well because while preparing you will think about him or her and smile anticipating the celebration!

3. Ask for demos! 'Can you show me how to... play this song on guitar, how to do double under in jump rope, prove that you can...' This will shake off all the boredom and have fun with your relatives.

4. Ask interesting questions and make them make short videos with the answers! I've only now realised that I don't know the age of my cousin's sons nor have any idea about their interests or  hobbies. I wrote down 5 questions and the whole chat of 55 people is playing along and answering them! In fact, and while we don't want to recognise it, this time away is making us get closer to the more important people in our life: family!

​So make the most out of this quarantine and get to know your family better!
Instead of just forward the latest joke, share something interesting about you! 
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BREATHE!

16/4/2020

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Hello!

More than one month living in lockdown, working from home, cleaning the house, cooking, and now home schooling! This seems like one of those obstacle-course never ending race! 
Although I never thought I could manage all this, ever, not even imagine it for 10 days... I think we are doing quite well! ;)

I need to remind myself often:

1. to breathe!!!! If I don't take enough deep breathes during work/ school/ chores, I need to find time at the end of the day to get some exercise done and stretch/breathe/listen to classical music - this is helping me a lot!

2. to exercise. These last few days I can't find the time to continue my jump rope challenge... after realising the consequences of skipping this (and the relaxation time afterwards ;) ) I found a substitute that requires less minutes - Adidas Training App . It's great and I can fit exercise in between everything that is going on in this house ;) Also it offers variety which I'm in need of after 35 days safe at home (and not locked at home) 

​3. to adapt/ be flexible. This is crucial! We have traded our beautiful decorative Hallway Bench for an improvised ping pong table using a desk! It's time to be creative and focus on 'how can I make this house better for the time we are living now?'. Our ping pong tournaments are now one big highlight of the weekends! 

4. set realistic goals. This is not a time to be perfectionist... don't push yourself to the limit. You need to stay strong, positive. We are living extraordinary times. We need to continue to live every day and not waste days on stressing about what we could not do each day. If you have to choose between extra work hours/ chores or calling your parents - do call your parents!! Our relationships are our support and there is no way these can be thrown to the end of our never ending list of priorities! Not when we are forced to think about life and death so many times per day! Focus your time and energy on what matters the most. 

5. listen to music! This is really a great "tool"! Get the most of this and work on your playlists to focus at work while your kids are loudly speaking to their teachers, to bring your mood up while doing home chores, to relax and breathe at the end of the day remembering those yoga classes you miss... also explore on your free time! What are your friends listening to? discover new artists, watch live shows. Music can really fill your soul, fuel your life! And it can really contaminate others around you! Try it with your family! it also helps us create a space beyond tasks and worries! So press play! Go for it!! (and a special trick you can use - when you are full of listening to kids argue... music can get you out of that and that annoying sound will only play softly on the background ;) no headphones on this one please! you do need to hear them, just not as loudly! ;) )

6. pray and attend mass virtually - the strength we can get from THIS! Amazing grace :) And how small our problems become when you think abou God, eternity, the life of saints...

7. smile. it's funny how smiling in chaos transforms the atmosphere! Simple, quick and easy! USE IT!
​

8. watch you kids, be thankful and learn. they play, they rarely complain, they ask simple questions, they don't watch the news, they get the most out of each day, they're happy to spend days with the most important people in their life, they play 'let's pretend', they build castles using sheets, pillows and blankets!... Don't stress about the mess they make. Laugh, take pictures and look at their ways, their expressions, their beauty. Be thankful for their life and energy!! What more can we ask for??


​Hope you are managing this special time well and that you and your family are well!

All the best,

T.

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WHAT A DIFFERENCE A DAY MADE

18/3/2020

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Hello from home!
I've been away lately just because at work I couldn't access the blog's editor website but then I was sent home... The next day the kids were sent home and then the next my husband also stayed. Voluntary quarantine! COVID 19!

And now... among 1000 things I have to do each day I want to add one that I WANT to do: to get back to writing.
How are we surviving? 5 people I a flat, home schooling, cleaning chores, home office... not easy but possible ;) It is a challenge but we can't complain! ;) We are OK and we are together!
But here are a few simple things that I think maybe can be useful if you're also staying at home!

1. ONE DAY AT A TIME. Think 'only one more day'! And then the next day get back to the same thought 
2. CELEBRATE SMALL CONQUERS. Even if the house is not shining feel good about cooking a very good meal! Be realistic! Even if you can't help the 2nd and 5th graders to study throughout the whole school program for the day feel proud about 2 classes done in the morning.
3. GET THE KIDS TO HELP. They love it. The oldest one is now in charge of the afternoon snack and I get 30 minutes of work and the kitchen shining!
4. PRAY. Propose a daily routine and fit in a time for the family to be together and pray. Watch everyone become more hopeful, happy, grateful, united. God is listening! :)
5. 10 MINUTES OF EXERCISE! In house, with the kids. Whatever is possible. It's always fun and will give you energy and lift your mood.
6. Put your phone away when you think all the negative news are putting even more weight on your shoulders. 'Each day has enough trouble of its own!' Don't anticipate future problems. Focus on the positive news. 
7. CONNECT. SING. LAUGH!

ALL WILL BE WELL!! :)




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All i want to do

17/2/2020

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- read
- knit
- write
- cook
- listen to music
- play the guitar
- tidy up the house

Maybe this is too much for Monday evening?

I've decided to read ('Tools of Titans' by Tim Ferriss),
cook (a great vegetarian meal! These days... with my husband back at the university I find myself either eating what is left from the kids' plates or cooking vegetarian meals for myself), listen to music (Franz Liszt and Tiago Bettencourt - pretty amazing how even in music styles I can't make up my mind) and
write (it seems in the office they have figure out a way to block Weebly so I'm left with the only option of writing in late hours)...
​
I need longer days this week! ;) And still get at least enough sleep to allow my recovering from a terrible flu!! Protect the asset! - Let's not forget this.

​I never thought I'd be a killer
'Cause there's so much to lose
But if I can't drink the water
What else can I do
And although the axe is heavy
It just sits in my hands
While you're changing like the current
Not a shore on land
Every time I try to bring it down
You always turn my head around
Make up your mind
Let me leave or let me love you
While you've been saving your neck
I've been breaking mine for you
The power is on, the guillotine hums
My back's to the wall, go on, let it fall
Make up your mind
Before I make it up for you
I never thought that I'd be facing
A sea that's bluer than the tide
Now my knees are shaking
And I can't look in your eyes
But if you're gonna make me do it
How'd you want it done
Is it best to sip it slowly
Or drink it down in one
Every time I try to bring it down
You always turn my head around, oh
Make up your mind
Let me leave or let me love you
While you've been saving your neck
I've been breaking mine for you
The power is on, the guillotine hums
My back's to the wall, go on, let it fall
Make up your mind
Before I make it up for you
The executioner's within me
And he comes blindfold ready
Sword in hand
And arms so steady
Every time I try to bring it down
You always turn my head around
But every time I try to bring it down
You always turn my head around
Make up your mind
Let me leave or let me love you
While you've been saving your neck
I've been breaking mine for you
The power is on, the guillotine hums
My back's to the wall, go on, let it fall
Make up your mind
Before I make it up for you
Make up your mind
Let me leave or let me love you
While you've been saving your neck
I've been breaking mine for you
The power is on, the guillotine hums
My back's to the wall, go on, let it fall
Make up your mind
Before I make it up for you
​
Florence + The Machine 'Make up your mind'


​I guess being an undecided person it's not so bad if only linked to spare time ;)
The most important part of my life is sound fortunately.
Thank you Florence for allowing me to look at this from a different perspective.
​
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here we go: my 2020

24/1/2020

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If you have been 'reading me' lately, you are aware that I take my time before making up my mind in what comes to resolutions! I guess every day comes with new strengths and opportunities! January seems to have this special compelling force (at least the first few days ;) ) but then February is also a good, new month full of chances to become better.

So here they are, finally! Still fresh in February!

With no specific order

1 - having lunch 'individually' with my kids once a month 

This means not talking to them always within the 'children's group' and looking at each one of them with particular attention, not having to divide dedication or generalize advice. I've only just started with our 'middle child' and it was great!! I know once a month sounds like not enough but I prefer to keep it this way and then maybe overcome my own expectations as well as theirs;

2 - finally start recycling at home... I know... shame. But it's always good to admit our mistakes and restart, isn't it?
3 - read more. 20 books in 2020
4 - play the guitar. Build a repertoire. Sing!
5 - finish a writing online course


*** move!! pilates, tenis, jogging... something! ;)well, I guess this doesn't count as a purpose if its not specific... so I'll now start the next section with not so specific resolutions. The kind of 'I will also enjoy'/ try purposes:

A- move!! pilates, tenis, jogging
B - travel: Val Thorens, Rio de Janeiro, Amsterdam
C - friends and family: be available!
D - me: do not complain! be optimistic and hopeful!
E- mission: always offer prayers and help. Special attention to: Social inclusion, spiritual growth, married couples, 40daysforlife.


How does this sound? Too much?


I had a minor setback this week with the flu knocking us down completely at home! Still recovering!... These 'zero productivity days' were also a reminder that all these purposes, targets, plans are relative. God willing, I will work on the top 5 and progress on the bottom 5. 
But more important than all this: Let Thy Will Be Done. 


PS - I left out the Wife related matters out... I'm not a romantic person ;)
PS2 -I would continue this list until I'd reach 20 logical targets for me... I always want more and think I need to do more in ALL areas of life. That's me. I should be more disciplined ;)


“With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts.” 
Eleanor Roosevelt
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IN & OUT

21/1/2020

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“I am not absentminded. It is the presence of mind that makes me unaware of everything else.”
G.K. Chesterton 
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Don't forget!

15/1/2020

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“Men for the sake of getting a living forget to live.”
Margaret Fuller
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New Year, new me?

2/1/2020

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Happy New Year, Dear Readers!!

New Year, New Decade! 


Does this calendar event seem to you like

a) Here we go again!
b) Wow, time really flies!
c) A whole new year ahead?? What can I do? New purposes, new life??
d) What have I been missing?? Let me grab that bucket list again!


I'm usually sitting between c) and d)! I'm also a slow starter... I like to spend time celebrating Christmas, then having a great time at end of year celebrations (birthdays, wedding anniversary, countdown 10, 9, 8 ...) , then looking back at the last 12 months with gratitude and acknowledgement, and only then trying to figure out what I can commit myself to doing better, to change, to help, to learn, to care... Making sure that all my purposes can be in balance with my family and not taking away too much time from us 5 (this is where my thoughts start point to 'c) Wow, time really flies'. My kids ages are now in between 4 and 10!!).

Still figuring out my way ahead but quite certain that WRITING will be a key resolution.

I'll stay in touch! 

Thank you for reading in 2019!
I hope I can help you, give you food for though and entertain you in this great new year!

T.


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don't belittle brainstorms

19/12/2019

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“If you have one good idea, people will lend you twenty.” 
Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach

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invisible women (by a small girl)

19/12/2019

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"Where are the streets named after important women?"

​
In Portugal a large number of streets are named after key figures in our history.

Actually it seems we can only find a few women (one example being Saint Catherine of Alexandria). And that is noticeable even to young girls at age 3.

I guess that can only change for the better and at a fast pace, I would say ;)

Find this interesting? Learn more here​.
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LITTLE BY LITTLE

16/12/2019

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I've been struggling with maintaining consistency in my fitness routine... 
Last week I had to stay at home with sick children and managed to do 600 sit-ups (300 each day) in between attending to their needs. After all I would be skipping gym and not sure if this week, with so many scheduled Christmas events, I will manage to escape to my Pilates class. Of course that on Friday I though that I should be able to do that everyday. 300 sit-ups. It seemed doable. But then came Saturday, Sunday and Monday again. Not one sit-up...


Consistency.
Consistency seems to be the key to success.
The end of the year is almost here and I bet you are almost starting to choose new resolutions or even new daily habits that we want to include in our routines... Need motivation?

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Jadav Payeng plants a tree everyday on an Indian Island. He has kept to this purpose for 40 years now and one single tree has become a lush forest.
"What began as a bamboo stand has grown into a dense 1,300-acre forest. The biome single-handedly nurtured by Payeng for nearly 40 years is home to tigers, deer, monkeys, elephants and a wide variety of birds."
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"No one sees God,"
"I see God in nature. Nature is God. It gives me inspiration.
It gives me power ... As long as it survives, I survive."

Jadav Payeng

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It's a kind of magic

11/12/2019

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“A dream does not become reality through magic; it takes sweat, determination and hard work.”
Colin Powell

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exploit your strengths

10/12/2019

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At the end of the day it’s not about what you have or even what you’ve accomplished…
it’s about who you’ve lifted up, who you’ve made better,
it’s about what you’ve given back.

Denzel Washington


Definitely... But I guess accomplishment makes a big part of things. I wouldn't say 'in the end of the day' but maybe in the afternoon ;)
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Stay in balance

5/12/2019

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I've recently joined a new gym and after a few high intensity classes my scale allowed me to switch to a different 'stay fit' mode: PILATES.

I've been thinking about how the instructions differ from one class to the other.
From 'push harder' to 'don't push too hard'.
Pilates provides an awareness of each movement, each muscle.
It practically enlightens us to realize the wellness that 'staying in balance' provides.
It corrects our posture in such a way that the hour we stay in the gym goes much further: to the way we sit in the computer in the office, the way we walk, our posture at home.
It shifts us from having a weight in our shoulders to being able to breathe in and out so consciously that we gain more strength and energy each hour that passes.
It helps us to understand what is going on, to realize the consequence of each move, to correct, to adjust, to stay vigilant.
It helps us to be self conscious and flexible during turbulent times.
It's quite a lesson!
Like the pilates instructor says: "keep this thoughts with you through the rest of the day, the rest of the week".

>>>> BEING AWARE
>>>> BEING VIGILANT
>>>> SELF CONSCIOUS
>>>> IN BALANCE
>>>> FLEXIBLE


WHAT A POWERFUL MINDSET TO LIFE IN THE OFFICE AND AT HOME :)

* What about you? Do you relate to these guidelines at all or do you prefer to 'push harder' in all areas of your life?


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don't fight, BUILD!

20/11/2019

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“The secret of change
is to focus all your energy
not on
fighting the old

but on
building the new.”
Socrates
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Question eVERYTHING

13/11/2019

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Today was dedicated to writing questions, preparing for 2 days of meetings.

Questioning is a precious skill:

- It spurs learning
- it incentives the exchange of ideas,
- it powers innovation
- it can lead to performance improvement,
- it builds affinity and trust 
- Importantly, it can mitigate business risk by uncovering unexpected problems.


And yet, most of us don't ask enough questions! Is that because we don't like feeling interrogated so we think we're doing others a favor?


In fact, asking questions makes us more likable! It shows that we care! It shows that we want to learn about other people's interests and what's in their mind!
So the favor we can make (others and ourselves) is asking more questions!

Avoid the rush to answer questions. First we must understand each other better! Spending time asking questions, understanding the problem, the hurdles, personal issues can help to avoid poor decisions and succeed even in 'accelerated environments'.

So start asking the questions that really matter
and 
promote this behavior in the office or at home!


And may I ask: Could you then let me know how it goes?

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online offlife?

5/11/2019

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Recently I came across some posters in the streets of Lisbon.
Something like this was written:

- You've written texts but not a single letter in your life
- You've typed 'I love you' more than you said it
- You smile more for selfies than for people
- You stare more to your phone than at the sea
(and others!)


This made me think... and gave me an incredible urge to write letters, to stare at the sea, to enjoy the moment, to have real conversations instead of just typing and mixing all conversations on chats not ever stopping to think about connecting and knowing about how my friends are. Not what they're doing, what emojis they prefer or what awesome picture they took. Just hanging out. Living! 

We really are becoming slaves of the non-stop furious buzz on our cellphones.

Let's make something about it!

How about writing a letter for a start?

Any other ideas? Please share!


Also... check out the website with all the posters about being offlife.
(My personal thanks to all the people involved in this. Outstanding!)


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Staring at the river last Saturday
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replace self-doubt with positivity

25/10/2019

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The trick is in what one emphasizes.
We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves strong.
The amount of work is the same.

Carlos Castaneda

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The Excitement of winning

18/10/2019

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"Don't let the fear of losing be greater than the excitement of winning."
Robert Kiyosaki

Yesterday I finished a book! :) Some of you knew which one from previous posts. But for those of you who are new, here it is! I highly recommend it! 
​
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One of the brilliant perspectives on this book is how we can relate the word fear with anxiety or, even in a more positive tone, excitement. This little trick can change our perspective, our posture and the outcome in a very radical way. Check out Lewis Pugh's achievements if you need inspiration! This is one of the many examples analysed in Adam Grant's book.

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​So next time you have a good challenge ahead, try naming your emotions differently and reframing your mindset completely. Let me know about the outcome!
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NO MORE INNOVATION THEATER PLEASE!

15/10/2019

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We have all been there... all the fanfare about innovation and then... nothing happens. Good speeches about making innovation a priority and then... we end up with more processes, more meetings, less productivity and not even a trace of real innovation.




So what do we need to actually innovate??

1. Hire only extremely competent people
2. Explore the uncertain
3. Tolerate failure
4. Celebrate learning
5. Communicate expectations clearly and regularly
6. Be highly disciplined
7. Create a psychologically safe environment - it must be safe for anyone to criticize and to be criticized. Remember >> a candid organization will outperform the nice one every time!
8. Collaborate, make decisions, and own the consequences
9. Strong and flexible leadership capable of striking the delicate balance of the required experiments.



And please avoid, at all costs

A. Sloppy thinking
B. Bad work habits
C. Poor management
D. Poor excuses

Finally... believe!! Your organization can create breakthrough products, systems and services!! Work on it! Try hard! Analyse results... and then work some more until you get it!



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Take part in something big

7/10/2019

1 Comment

 

Your community matters, and it's bigger than you are!

I'm feeling blue... about election results in Portugal! Not only because of the result... but most of all, because of low turnout: 54.5% - the lowest in a general election since Portugal returned to democracy after a right wing dictatorship tumbled in 1974.

I can't help but wonder... don't Portuguese people realize that

- voting does matter! 
- elections have consequences!
- voting is part of independence and thinking for yourself!
- when you vote you reach beyond your own selfish interests towards common principles!

I find it so bizarre that people are worried about doing something for the planet but not one small simple thing for their country...  how inconsequential is that? Government affect every aspect of our lives. Voting gives us a chance to register our opinion on how the government should operate.

Voting is a very hard-earned right!...
​
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And it's being thrown away in so many places... with the consequence being governments elected who do not represent the will of the people... or even voting becoming mandatory (fyi: more than 20 countries observe some form of compulsory voting in national elections, including Australia, Brazil, Luxembourg and Peru).

​Strange world where we live in... fighting for the right to vote... and ending up not caring enough to vote and being forced to vote. The freedom conundrum. ​

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unfinished business

30/9/2019

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Our level of distraction these days is quite absurd... We drop a lot of topics in the first, second or final stage... we forget about it, we loose interest... that leaves us living in a state of anxiety, always waiting for something to happen...

So how about making the purpose this week to

1 - complete tasks;
2 - (if that is not possible then ) acknowledge where you are at and what you need in order to finish;
3 - do one thing at a time.


I'm betting we'll get to the end of the week with better results and feeling good and restful about our trail.

Go for it!






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want to get work done faster?

23/9/2019

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​“If everybody minded their own business,
​the world would go around a great deal faster than it does.”

Lewis Caroll, Alice in Wonderland

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want to be more creative? try these 5 habits

19/9/2019

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1. Stay curious - ask questions, observe

2. Be open minded - embrace new ideas

3. Explore new topics

4. Be willing to take risks
​

5. Make time for constant feeding of new ideas: visit bookstores, museums, look at portfolios, watch movies, listen to music, try something new
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<<Previous

    ABOUT ME

    My name is T. S. Coelho and I live in Lisbon, Portugal, with my husband and three kids. I work in the asset management industry, managing an equities fund.

    I decided to start this project in 2014 after realizing that my ‘grey finance world’ needed the color of writing after hours.

    The decision on the subject to write about was easy to figure out: I combined the need to figure out how to feel healthy even when I sit for about 50 hours every week to my life dream of social justice – well, in this case it’s more about justice in the office – if talented, hardworking, shy people hide behind their desks, others will take advantage and fill in superior positions with higher rewards, higher recognition and more important than that greater personal fulfillment.
    ​
    What I try to do here is to provide the means for extremely valuable people to find the confidence they need to succeed and to live a happier life. Enjoy!


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